Uninvited Feelings

The day is bright and shinning. The sun is humbly radiating rays of light behind the sea of clouds in the blue wide sky, occasionally with some breeze and the cloud and grass will start dancing following the rythm of wind. At one point, life seems so beautiful, no flaw and totally perfect world. Looking up to the sky, as the wind blows towards me and my hair moves along, i face up to see the clouds. Somehow, at far distance, there's a dark grey gloomy cloud approaching slowly together with the wind...

Just back to school after one week of holidays, things are supposed to be fine and smooth. I am not lagging lots behind studies, and there's practically nothing to be worried about. Life now should be good, and i should be happy, contended and enjoying. But somehow, there's something deep and hidden unpleasant feeling inside me, making me sort of lost of direction in life. Worrying for something i am not sure and perhaps i don't know, i couldn't concentrate in much things in life. Things are supposed to be good and fine, and there should be nothing to be worried about, so why am i feeling this poisonous feeling here and there? I wonder.

So, i tried my best to divert my attention to movies, series and jokes with the hope that they might help me to forget and cheer up. It did help, but not lasting long. The uninvited feelings is still there. I went to sleep, as what i usually do when there's something bothering me, and ended up having nightmares. Ya, should be perceived as nightmares for me, glad that i am feeling worried for such dreams. A dream that is unwanted, especially the one that goes against your own wishes and principles. That's a nightmare. Uhh, now more to be worried, or all these are just imaginary feelings? I really hope it is.

Maybe too much free time without some healthy activities does has its effects. And too much free time is usually due to indiscipline lifestyle and not because there's nothing to do, especially for a medical student. With all the tight packed schedule, no way one can be so free. All back to my own main problem, which i had realized long time ago and haven't done anything to change. This is the original source of all my problems now, i think and i hope. Well, at least something can be done with that. No, more accurately, i wish, i should and i can. Let's hope so...

Dead Famous

Few days ago, i had finally finished the mid semester examination which contributes 5% to my final grade at the end of the year. No doubt that i had been so stressed out, and studying everyday. And now, it's over and holidays begin.

It will be very boring if there's nothing to do for holidays, so i had done some 'preparations' before coming back to hometown. Few series, few dramas, few movies and one book to keep me 'busy' for this one week holidays. Of all the entertainments that i had planned out, there's one that really keep me up - the book called Dead Famous, written by Ben Elton. It just grabbed all my attention, and reading this book was more than fun.

So, what's this book about? Well, it's actually about a murder case in a reality show, with 10 contestants and only 1 winner of half a million pounds. All for money and fame. Not a simple murder case but the one with all the mystery, with fiendishly clever plan, and with evil motive, a true thriller. It's those murder case that requires one to crack his/her brain, straining all the neurons and a little more 'out-of-box' imagination in order to solve the mystery. Definitely suitable for those who enjoy and appreciate the power of human brain, and of course for those who love and welcome challenges for a mind battle.

Some may find book like this dull, lacklustre or even dreary. But somehow, the way the author organised his words and ideas had brilliantly succeeded in making the book alive. It's funny, outrageous, hillarious and last but not least, addictive. Full of good humour and sarcasm that make you wonder how he did it. Not only that, one can also know how reality TV is made to become the 'reality', something for all those fans of reality TV shows.

After reading this book, not only that i have learned that how easilly people's mind can be manipulated, i have seen through the 'cultures' and 'types' of people. Personally, it's more than an entertaining thriller, it also serves a lot in giving values, and knowing what is real and what is lies. Conclusively, this is a book that is worth spend time reading, it's more than you have expected.

Sometimes, what you see with your eyes might not be the reality. Eyes only serve as a tool or window for information, whereas the brain is the one that actually 'sees'. Never let the eyes decide for the mind, it should be the mind who decides and 'sees'...

One Year Of Whispering...

Unbelievable, it's been a year since i first started to write on this blog, and with nearly 100 posts, i was surprised that i made it this far. Of course, one year isn't really a long period of time, nevertheless, it's not short either. It's true that time flies like wind, fast, untraceable and unrepeatable. To look back, all the writings and postings resemble pieces of puzzle that if all being put together, they form a memory book, a complete picture of my life,my thoughts and my feelings. If one is to read up all these 'pieces of memory' that i have written, he/she will realize that one year is actually quite a long period of time - 365 days, 52 weeks, 8760 hours, 525600 minutes and 31536000 seconds, not very short, no?

I never really wanted to start a blog last time, it was too much for people like me, lazy and indiscipline. I wouldn't have been able to sustain the constant interest and enthusiasm towards writings. It wasn't my idea at all to even think about writing a blog in the first place, it was way kinda too much 'responsibility' for me, frankly speaking. Never really have the thoughts of because it was a 'sign' or 'trend' of this century and in order to catch up with the 'popular activity' of the teens nowadays - to start a blog. So, blurry i started this blog because of my own special reason, and gradually as time falled away, i found that i had fallen in love in writing. Not to say that i don't like to write and think previously, i always have ideas flowing into my minds at times, but never really took the effort to write them down, just let them slipped through. Now that whenever there's inspiration, or just simply a cloud of feelings, i will have tried my best to get to the internet and start writing them down, putting words and lines to them. And to be able to let loose the feelings in this page, i don't have to cage everything inside my mind, at least my head will not get any bigger.

From time to time, people who write blog might feel that it's like duty or an obligation to keep their blogs alive with writings and maybe some newly taken photos of themselves, or any places or any activities that they have done recently. Some might feel it's tedious after a while, because they couldn't keep the enthusiasm fire alive. Somehow for me, i only write whenever there's this light of inspiration flashing in. Or maybe just when there's too much feelings to bear with and that i wanna to unleash everything. Therefore, this blog serves more or less like a diary, a personal space where i don't have to wear any mask, and be naked totally to myself. No lies, no pretending, no faking. Just a mirror, that helps me to see myself, and an entrance to the memories of mine.

Anyway how, it's been a year, feeling happy and touched, i am proud not because i am some big time writers but because i have most of my memories kept inside there, pieces by pieces....and it's a world of my own now.

Everything

It was 7.45 am, my biological alarm woke me up. Unwillingly, i opened my eyes, see nothing except flashes of your face, your smiles , your eyes, your voices and a lot more appeared in my mind. I smiled bitterly, because it was empty beside my bed. So, after few minutes struggling with myself on bed, i finally able to get up, and switched on my computer. Turn on the musics, i opened my 'studies' folder and started to stick my eyes on the screening, doing my revision for the coming exam.

Song by song, and my morning was getting better and better, happier and merrier. And then the song 'Everything' by Michael Buble came in, i lost my control, and started to sing along, because i know, this is how i feel. A great song, so light and cheerful, as it washed away all the sadness, and turned them into a pleasant feelings, to praise you, to worship you, to show you that you really are more than you think you are for me.

Yea, i guess you are, my everything...

'' It's you, it's you, you make me sing,
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything...''

Song lyrics | Everything lyrics