Bad Luck

Today,again i found myself travelling to Orchard Library. Woke up pretty early today due to my 20 minutes-faster-phone. After bathing and everything, i went out,ready to get in MRT and travel to Orchard. It seemed that there are lots of people today that actually i had to missed 2 trains due to overcrowding. Human reproduce very fast, i guess.Travelling in train is so normal now for me, cause i am so used to it. But after the incident, now everytime the train stops at that station, my heart sinks and start pumping very fast, scared ; my brain starts imagining dreadful things. I guess it has become a trauma to me now that everything related to the ''incident'' scares me.


So, i stepped foot again to this wonderful library in Orchard. Love it very much. Have been here lots of time, and found it very comfortable as a place for me to ''waste'' my time,though sometimes feel really lonely. It always will be few people waiting outside the library for it to open, and i am one of them. Then in not more than 30 minutes, people will start to flow in, looking for books ,newspaper ,magazines and so on , almost like a phenomena.


I have been having bad luck these few days. Yesterday i fell sick (not really sick actually,just running nose),and the day before my head was having a rough time battling with the questions and my heart was tigthen with all sorts of feelings, and now i am feelings moody. No idea what has striked me, but it just come like that, without any warning or sign. Not as cheerful as i used to last week,not much smiles as well. I wonder maybe the ''side-effect'' is still there, and the wound hasn't really cured completely,not without the answers to stop all the questions.Or maybe it's because my fear and worries on the forth-coming exam results. I have a really bad feeling about my results.Just to think of that can kick my smile away.


I have once been told that (actually i read about it,in Doraemon,haha) life is like a long strings, made up of 2 smaller strings wound together, which both represent good luck and bad luck and that life can't just made up of only bad moments and sure after some bad times, there will be good times.It's just like the weather, the sky can't be raining all the day, and sure after the rain, there will be sunshine,even rainbow.Maybe today is the time for my luck or ''feng shui'' to change (smilling)...

The Questions (2)

I woke up very early that day, it was 4 am, and i couldn't sleep. I bet the poisons were working hard in hurting me. So, instead of lying on bed thinking of bad things, i got out and watched movies,they are able to calm me.Then i went out of the apartment to see the sunrise among the buildings, in this city of Singapore.The rays of light promise me hopes and i was really happy.I got my strength back and able to continue walking down the path. And now, i still haven't completely healed.The questions are still popping out in my head.I need answers to stop them,to heal completely.

It really feels so bad, when all the trust i have given in,and been proved that i was wrong. Am i important? I have no idea. Probably the whole world now will start to say how stupid am i, how ignorant am i, how useless am i... because i fall too deep, i give too much and people start to take it for granted.I don't hope for any good repay, but why give me nightmares? I guess i can't really blame anyone else but me myself,cause i was too serious, i was too demanding.Still, deep inside my heart, i really want to cry out,and to have someone's hand to wipe the tears off ,to understand how my heart feels ,hold me tightly and to let me hold tightly.

After this, i believe i have learnt lots about the real truth and facts.About ego, love, attitude, personality and etc. But nevermind, as i have mentioned before, i keep my hopes,my dreams and my faith. It's what counts mostly, it's what really matters. And i really feel happy now, though it hasn't completely healed, but after writing down everything, i feel like i have flushed all the emotions out.It's a relief and i don't really care if nobody read them,cause after all, my emotions will not affect the weather here. I guess now i really love writing...

The Questions (1)

It's been 3 days after knowing the truth what was happening. I have been showered by hundreds of questions,keep popping into my mind,asking why why why and demanding answers.All sorts of feelings come to me at once,making me feel so confused that i don't even know what am i feeling.Mixture of feelings of shocked, fear, scared, worried, pain, anger, insecure, dissapointed and etc all burst inside my heart.I was shivering that day,luckily able to get control of myself after a while. I once read in a book that one cannot feel all different negative feelings at once, they will explode and i was glad i still can withstand with all that,at least for now.Good news is, i am recovering now, bad part is it's not fast enough.In fact, the pain has been coming back sometimes, the wound hasn't been healed,and still severely bleeding.I just wish that there will not be anything like that (or worse) happen next time or i think i might just collapse completely.

I wonder why this has happened to me,why everything i have done didn't pay off.The effort that i have put into it, i thought i can strengthen it, but i don't understand why after all those, i have been dissapointed.It's undisputable that it requires both sides to put effort in nurturing it,making it healthy and happy. And then i wonder why the other part doesn't think like what i think,or perhaps i failed to be the one and that all the love,all the moments,and all the effort have never touched anyone? I looked at the mirror myself, yes, it's true that i don't really possess any attractive appearance, and i don't have much to offer.I looked carefully, and really found out that i have nothing.I am just a spoiled little brat, perhaps it was right.I don't have much appealing parts,in fact i am annoying.I don't have the ''freshness'' other people possess and becoming boring and boring everyday.Is that true? I wonder...

I was once full of hopes,dreams and faith, but now i have been taught that life isn't like that in such a cruel way.I have been dissapointed.The dreams has been crushed, the hopes have been wiped off and the faith have been knocked down without any sympathy,not by anyone but the other side. And this time, i didn't cry out, i managed to hold back any tear that emerged in my eyes from dropping down.I guess it's a good sign,showing that i have become stronger. But everytime i think of the disgusting message, i really want to scream out loud cause it was like thousands of knives stabbing my heart at once.If the intention was to hurt me, it was well-done, bull's eye.Anyway, due to my strong belief and the love, alone , i built all the hopes,dreams and faith again. I won't give up,and i hope that i got supports from the other part in building all these, and together we continue, instead of breaking my heart again.

It was my last week in Singapore, and actually i was hoping it will be the happiest week.But it turned out to be different.I really want to know why, why one could be so cruel,so cold to do all those to me.Are those words i have been told are just sweet talks? If not, then why...?

Losing Beloved Photos...

Yesterday after losing 2 of my precious photos in my collection, i woke up with severe pain on my neck.I couldn't turn my head to right. I guess i slept in a very bad position yesterday night.Or maybe it was due to my mood after losing my precious photos...I think i really shouldn't have showed those photos. Now not only i lost them, i half-spoiled my laptop's screen during the struggles in order to defense for my beloved photos. Actually it's fine to have to delete the photos from my laptop, as long as i have the back-up file, but too bad, i already deleted them.So, without any back-up file, deleting those photos will mean deleting my ''award-winning photos''.Sad....

Well,fine ....fine. I believe i ll get more photos in the future. Though it was really a huge huge lost for me to have to delete the 2 beautiful photos, but nevermind, next time i will definitely get even better one.Just you wait....hahaha.

Simple Pleasure of Life

After a long night sleep,i woke up pretty early as i slept early last night. It was raining this morning, the sky looked moody, but i love this kind of weather.Cold,with little bit of rain and breeze through the window, it's fanstastic. Love it. The newly installed white mosquito net looked very beautiful from my angle, it makes the whole bed looked so safe,so comfortable,so special....it makes me feel like i am inside my nest.Though the fan had been switched off,but the temperature of the room was getting colder.But it wasn't that bad either, as the continuous breathing beside me was enough to warm me up.It was a beautiful morning.

Nothing much to do at this early morning, so i decided to take a book and read on the bed.I stopped half way last night before i fell asleep. It was the Kindaichi case file.An exciting ,full of intellectual knowledge manga (though it's about killing people). I continued with the story, while lying on the bed,enjoying that morning.

After reading like 30 minutes, i had a surge of wanna to disturb someone,or maybe to get some attention.My hand kept on moving,touching here and there.I guess the weather is so good that one sleeps so deep.Bored, i decided to on my computer and play some games.It's fun sometimes to just play games in the early morning,though the games are stupid.Tower defence or hero defence,silly but fun.

Ok, getting hungry after a while, and time for breakfast.Wish the breakfast can just fly to me, and i ll just need to stay on bed on this beautiful morning.But anyway, things didn't happen as i wish, so i went down myself since no one is willing to go down.While walking down, other than the leg muscle cells were working, the other cells which were working were not the brain cells,but the stomach cells which told the brain cells what they want,and not the vice versa.Well,when it comes to food, the stomach is the boss, not the brain,i guess.

Finally, i got my porridge,and lying on the bed....enjoying my delicious porridge.Tasty.....yumyum. I love this,though this kind of life routine seems simple, but for me,it's what i meant by simple pleasure of life.

Library@Orchard

Well,if you have never been to a decent library, i shall recommend here to visit library which located in Orchard,Singapore. It's very very comfortable, beautiful, wonderful and not to mentioned cool as well (cold too). The first time when i visited here, i was actually amused to see the environment and the condition here.It's perfect for people who enjoy reading and spending time in library.And i dare to say that it's the best i have ever seen.I am really surprise that the Singapore government actually invest in lots of money in setting public library to people.It shows that how much the politicians here emphazise on knowledge,on books as one can definitely see how much they have spent in founding the library in Orchard.They are magnificent.

I sort of ''fall in love'' with this place after my first visit. There are lots of books here, magazines,newspapers , manga, comic books, audio books and etc. Of course with all those books, you will think the space will be very limited.But you will be surprise that there are lots of free spaces here for people to sit, read and enjoy the pleasure of reading. Not only large spacing, but the library itself is well-designed , the lightning, the arrangement of books, the book shelfs and so on. They also have a cafe inside the library , where there are round tables and seats, for people to sit down and read, and they can order drinks or food from the shop there.It's just amazing,as it's too comfortable. In addition, they have set the area inside library as wireless hotspot, where one can get access to the internet for free. All you need to do is just to sign up,and then you are able to roam freely in the internet for hours. The management is so considerate that they actually have the sockets for electricity supply for people who are using laptop and planning to stay there very long.Of course, again, it's free of charge.Wonderful,isn't it?

Therefore, ever since my first visit, i have been frequently coming to this library due to all the reasons above after my work or when i am off. It's reallya good place for me to spend my day here, rather than staying at home, doing nothing. I can read here, enjoy free air-condition , free electrical supply for my laptop, free wireless, and etc. It's really great, and i am so glad that i was brought to this place.I can assure that it's one of the best things one can find in Singapore.

Nursing Part I : First Day In SWAMI

Today is tuesday, so it means today is my first day to go to work as a volunteer in SWAMI Home.I woke up early in the morning, so that i will be able to get to there before 10am, since the place is extremely far from my place. Since i was rushing, my breakfast was just a simple bread with blueberry jem.

Taking the MRT alone took about 45 minutes, plus with the distance travelled by walking there,which took about 20 minutes, i arrived at SWAMI at about 9.30 am. After my arrival, i was told to meet with the Head of Nursing Department, so that i can get instrustions from him on what is my duty as a volunteer. Maybe i will be following a nurse,or helping in patients' room, i was thinking. But it turned out to be something else, i had been stationed in the hall, where it is the place for some of the elders (those who are able to move around) to hang around. Honestly, i wasn't really pleased with the arrangement, cause basically there's nothing to do there. I was told to just help out around there, maybe talk to the elders and interact with them.

A duty given is a responsibility,so i guess i have no choice but to talk and interact with them. The job seems to be easy, but if it's your first time, you will definitely find it difficult.The reason is very simple - the elders who are staying there (under Nursing Department) basically stay alone, with no friends or family members with them. Thus, they developed an attitude which resist to talk to strangers. Probably they are feeling lonely....my thought at the time. Well, i am not giving up, so i walked around the hall, up and down, front and back,left and right, just to see if anyone of them needs my help. I also tried my best to talk to them,and it was really really hard, as other than the problem of resisting outsiders, even if they wanna to talk you,they are unable to talk. Seeing their conditions, my mind can't helping thinking and my heart can't help feeling pity for them.

After like 2 hours, it was time for lunch, and for those who are not tube-feed will have to come out from their rooms and eat in the hall. Food will be taken out from the kitchen using a movable trolley and distributed to all of them in the hall. So, firstly drinks (water) will be distributed to everyone,each person will have one cup. Then it comes to food,the nurses there have to remember who are able to eat rice,and who can only eat porridge.Therefore, they will start doing their work.Of course, i was stationed there,to help. So i helped along with the nurses-giving out food under their instrustions. After that, i was ordered to feed some of them,since some of them are unable to eat on their own. It was a simple work, and i did it with feelings and cares.Soon,after eating it was time for them to take a nap and rest,it means it's time for me to rest too.

I went out for my lunch, and ended up eating in a Chinese shop,rice with dishes. I went back to SWAMI Home after eating and all the elders were not out in the hall yet, so i decided to walk around there, apparently it was just wasting my time. Until about 3 pm, another volunteer appeared, and she was a lady,who will conduct a cooking show for them,as an activity for the elders. It seemed like they really enjoyed the show.Joanne (name of the lady) did the activity beautifully.She wasn't just cook in front of them, and talk and talk like any other cooking show.Instead, she will show them the ingredients one by one, and ask them one by one,what are the ingredients, so actually it helps the elders in exercising their brain cells,to recognise things.It was well done. Of course,i helped out throughout the activity.

Sooner than i thought, the time was 4 pm, and it was time for dinner, shocked for a second for me,cause it was very early but it's their life routine. So, same procedures, same ways....i played my part,as a volunteer. After like 30 minutes, everyone had eaten, time for them to shower, and time for me to leave.After saying bye bye to the people in the office, i headed on my way home.

It was a long day for me.I admitted that beginning of the day, i was bored cause there wasn't much to do,but at the end of the day, it was fun. I felt kind of contented and happy....

My Fair Lady

So,recently i watched another musical type of movie,called My Fair Lady which i really like enjoyed a lot. It's sort of funny and the story is good. Basically it's a story about an arrongant professor of phenotics,Henry Higgins who wants to teach this poor girl - Eliza Doolittle who doesn't know how to speak proper English,with her strong Cockney accent (without pronouncing the ''h'',''a'' sounds) due to a bet challenged by his friend Colonel Pickering, and that he will be able to make a duchess out of this ''deliciously low ,horribly dirty'' (as said by Professor Higgins) Eliza in 6 months time, and bring her to the Embassy Ball. Of course, after all the mean words thrown to Eliza by Henry, Eliza doesn't want to be the '' experiment rat'',but due to certain reasons such as '' chocolate everyday'' ,she finally agreed with Henry and decided to receive the training by this ''evil professor''....

It's really an interesting story as you can see the changes from a dirty ugly duck to a beautiful elegant swan and of course with all the jokes and funny events along during the progress.Other than that, the musicals played are really nice,loving,enjoyable,fun and let's said...''singable''. There are lots of nice songs such as "Wouldn't It Be Loverly'' , ''Just You Wait'' , ''With A Little Bit Of Luck'', ''I Could Have Danced All Night'' , ''The Rain In Spain'' and so on. They are really good, and will be good songs for you to sing and dance along.If you are a musical fans, this one should definitely be watched. Worth watching,i shall say.

''All i want is a room somewhere,far away from the cold night air...With one enormous chair,Oh...Wouldn't it be loverly....''