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The Reality
The holidays are ending, the exam is coming and i am dying, trying my best to do the last minute strugglings in my studies. But as always, nothing really works well at the critical moment like this. Suddenly at this period, i relized how stupid am i, how funny and thinking about my set of thoughts from other point of view, i feel inferior and totally useless. So, even at this hour, i couldn't stand this feeling myself but to crawl back to my personal space here, to spit out all the blueish mood.
Everybody has his or her own set of minds, boundaries that mould the way they think, look and feel. The personal attitude, the 'special' parts about one person is born from all these invisible networks of thoughts and beliefs. Whatever right or wrong, good or bad, ugly or pretty, happy or sad, black or white and etc are nothing but personal perceptions built from underlying assumptions inside each mind. And thus result in what we all called our reality, the world that we live now. Of course, there are differences between everybody's reality, these are the differences between us as well. Now to realize how fake and stupid all the fundamental principles inside myself, i couldn't stop feeling down, feeling lost of confidence. The reality i am living in now, to see through all the weaknesses here and there, even my last piece of self-esteem is crushed down.
I am not smart, and now i am feeling stupid. I spent most of my times day-dreaming, thinking of i don't know what, wasting all the precious time i have. Living a indiscipline life, i don't have the rights at all to criticise others, not even eligible to be medical student, a good partner, nor a good friend. My intellectual level, my emotional quotine and etc, i am nothing but a total loser. I have nobody to be blamed, except for myself. I wonder why i will be like this? And i wanna to change, to live this life fully and wonderfully.
Everybody has his or her own set of minds, boundaries that mould the way they think, look and feel. The personal attitude, the 'special' parts about one person is born from all these invisible networks of thoughts and beliefs. Whatever right or wrong, good or bad, ugly or pretty, happy or sad, black or white and etc are nothing but personal perceptions built from underlying assumptions inside each mind. And thus result in what we all called our reality, the world that we live now. Of course, there are differences between everybody's reality, these are the differences between us as well. Now to realize how fake and stupid all the fundamental principles inside myself, i couldn't stop feeling down, feeling lost of confidence. The reality i am living in now, to see through all the weaknesses here and there, even my last piece of self-esteem is crushed down.
I am not smart, and now i am feeling stupid. I spent most of my times day-dreaming, thinking of i don't know what, wasting all the precious time i have. Living a indiscipline life, i don't have the rights at all to criticise others, not even eligible to be medical student, a good partner, nor a good friend. My intellectual level, my emotional quotine and etc, i am nothing but a total loser. I have nobody to be blamed, except for myself. I wonder why i will be like this? And i wanna to change, to live this life fully and wonderfully. 
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