Disconnected

Holidays' ending soon, with a blink of an eye, it's already left with few days. I looked at myself again in front of the mirror this morning. I haven't shaved my moustache and the growing beard. My hair is messy and untrimmed. I looked sort of messed up, just like my current life. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, secretly hoping that it can help me to wash away the vexation that roam around inside my mind.

I had done nothing at all during this semester break, at least nothing productive. I played computer games, finished the campaigns at last, got some sense of satisfaction. I slept a lot, i ate a lot, and nothing really, that i should have done. Worst of all, my eyes and minds are off the books and notes, not even to touch anything related to medicine. Feeling really guilty and regreted, i failed myself again. The never ending ''indiscipline'' life of mine. From the moment i stepped into the world of medicine, the first and golden rule of studying/practising in this field is to constantly updating yourself, with such enthusiasm and interest as wide as cloudless sky. But to tell my situation now, i have really get ''disconnected'' totally from the medical world. How am i going to be a professional doctor, if part of my life is not about medicine? Again, i sighed...

A new semester is going to commence soon, and it will mean payment and fees again. Money matter again. It's not a small amount of money, at least for my family. It's the same deja vu all over again. Waves of unpleasant feelings keep crushing down on me, i have known this feeling so well. I dislike it so much, and i wish i can do something about it as well. Indeed, sometimes i do believe that i am totally useless. Knowing the hardship of earning money is not enough, i despise myself for unable to earn a single cent. Really hope time can move even faster, so that i can stand up on my own feet, and get rid of this ugly feelings. Though it's still a very long way to go.

I guess these few days are the time left for me to get ready for this coming semester, mentally and physically. Time to buck up and continue to walk through this long journey...