Time Bomb

It's been the second week to back to university, new semester and a new beginning. Life has been so busy, so packed up and so messed up with lots of problems shooting from every single angle directed towards me. Rushing here and there, trying to concentrate all the times with memory snaps keep interrupting my mind. I couldn't stay focus for a longer time, and keep having mood swing. I know what's wrong with me, all the problems - love, family, friends, studies and etc etc...I hide them well enough that i think i deserve the award as best actor.

Trying really hard to organize my ''new'' life, so that i can keep up with the studies, and doing my best not to ignore other parts of my life, and at last i guess i screwed up everything. Feeling down from time to time, i cheered myself up, and my mind sort of ''shutting down'' in response to run away from the reality. I become so sleepy most of the times, and just couldn't control myself. Each problem inside the heart is like a small particle, sum up with all the small particles, it's like a time bomb to explode, anytime and anything can triggers it off.

And often, there are 2 ways to release all the hidden feelings, either you laugh out loudly like a crazy maniac or you cry out soundly like a small kid, which both ways i have done. I laughed a lot, hoping that all the problems can be forgotten and just enjoy the moment; I cried long enough, taking the opportunity to explode out powerfully, and then just continue to pour the minds with all the problems, wishing that all these can flow away in the tears.

Maybe it helps, maybe it won't. I couldn't be sure. All i wish is i can be stronger, and that i have exploded. I am not sure when is my next explosion with problems keep raining down on me. I need a ''get away''. How much i wish to have something to hold on to, a bolster, a dog or maybe a person...