It's been 3 days after knowing the truth what was happening. I have been showered by hundreds of questions,keep popping into my mind,asking why why why and demanding answers.All sorts of feelings come to me at once,making me feel so confused that i don't even know what am i feeling.Mixture of feelings of shocked, fear, scared, worried, pain, anger, insecure, dissapointed and etc all burst inside my heart.I was shivering that day,luckily able to get control of myself after a while. I once read in a book that one cannot feel all different negative feelings at once, they will explode and i was glad i still can withstand with all that,at least for now.Good news is, i am recovering now, bad part is it's not fast enough.In fact, the pain has been coming back sometimes, the wound hasn't been healed,and still severely bleeding.I just wish that there will not be anything like that (or worse) happen next time or i think i might just collapse completely.
I wonder why this has happened to me,why everything i have done didn't pay off.The effort that i have put into it, i thought i can strengthen it, but i don't understand why after all those, i have been dissapointed.It's undisputable that it requires both sides to put effort in nurturing it,making it healthy and happy. And then i wonder why the other part doesn't think like what i think,or perhaps i failed to be the one and that all the love,all the moments,and all the effort have never touched anyone? I looked at the mirror myself, yes, it's true that i don't really possess any attractive appearance, and i don't have much to offer.I looked carefully, and really found out that i have nothing.I am just a spoiled little brat, perhaps it was right.I don't have much appealing parts,in fact i am annoying.I don't have the ''freshness'' other people possess and becoming boring and boring everyday.Is that true? I wonder...
I was once full of hopes,dreams and faith, but now i have been taught that life isn't like that in such a cruel way.I have been dissapointed.The dreams has been crushed, the hopes have been wiped off and the faith have been knocked down without any sympathy,not by anyone but the other side. And this time, i didn't cry out, i managed to hold back any tear that emerged in my eyes from dropping down.I guess it's a good sign,showing that i have become stronger. But everytime i think of the disgusting message, i really want to scream out loud cause it was like thousands of knives stabbing my heart at once.If the intention was to hurt me, it was well-done, bull's eye.Anyway, due to my strong belief and the love, alone , i built all the hopes,dreams and faith again. I won't give up,and i hope that i got supports from the other part in building all these, and together we continue, instead of breaking my heart again.
It was my last week in Singapore, and actually i was hoping it will be the happiest week.But it turned out to be different.I really want to know why, why one could be so cruel,so cold to do all those to me.Are those words i have been told are just sweet talks? If not, then why...?
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