The End Of World...

The storm hasn't stopped since my birthday that day, and i am sure that this month is the worst month ever in my life. Days are getting darker and darker as time passed by, and the pain is getting more and more unbearable. I tried to be strong, i tried not to cry, but still the tears will not stop coming down off my cheeks. It's really embarrasing for a man to cry, but i did cry and that's the truth. It's believed that tear has magical power, that it's able to take away one's sadness, but somehow it didn't work this time, even after i have cried lots of times...

Woke up very early this morning, my eyes are still red, and i still can find the tears are still there, and i am trying my best to hold it. Washed my face, wishing i can wash away the sign of tears, but it's still there. I looked at myself in front of the mirror, i see inside my own eyes, and i couldn't find a soul there. I put my hand in front of my chest, tried to feel my heart, but there's nothing there. The only thing is the body, without any soul or heart. I know where they have been...

Regret and sad, i started to hate myself for failing everyone. I kept telling myself to endure, because they said, after the rain, the sun will come out soon. And i kept telling myself, to keep my strength and faith, that this is just a test. I don't know whether it helps, i only know that i want to be there. I have often live in darkness, stretching my hands looking for a light, and now that i found it, just when i wanna to grab it and hold it tight, it started to slip through my fingers...

Maybe, maybe this is how it feels, the end of world...

A Test In Life...

Sometimes in life, we will just have to learn, either in a cruel way or kind one, that we have to be independent, be strong and live your life the way you want it, with or without the supports of your family or friends. I used to believe that the deciding factors are always yourselves, you always have choices in your life and yes, in most of the cases. But now i learnt that sometimes, you just don't have rights in certain things regarding your life, it's all up to others. Now the test has come, and there's no other way to hide now, you can only deal with it bravely. You can run, but you can't hide, either way it's coming. To believe in yourselves, or to follow the others? It's time for me to choose...

'I fell down badly and totally helpless, so now i am gathering all my strength to stand up and fight again...'

Season's Greetings

It’s already mid of December, and it means that Christmas is just around the corner. Everywhere you go, the Christmas atmosphere is there. Christmas trees here and there on the street, and lighting decorations all along the road. Supposedly , I should be sending greeting cards to all my friends who are Christian, my ex-classmates during secondary school and my college friends, even though I am not Christian, but I guess that doesn’t mean I don’t have to send any greeting card for Christmas. However, for a lazy bug like me, stepping out of my room for food sometimes can be considered a tedious work for me and now sending greeting cards? Too much for me, I guess. So I decided to wish everyone through my blog (though most of them don’t even know the existence of my blog). It will be much simpler and easier, no? (Haha)

So, to all my friends, my family, my loved one and anyone who is reading my blog now, I wish you all Merry Christmas and Happy New Year ~ ~ ~ !

Below is the greeting card (pictures) and my wishes for you all :

To :
My friends, my family, my loved one, and anyone who is reading now,

May all the wishes warm up your heart and fill your days with joys and happiness.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.


Yours sincerely,
Yett

Myspace Chistmas Graphics

It's Beautiful...

It's been raining for days now, and i am here at hometown. Woke up extra early today, because if i don't, there will be no breakfast for me, sort of like a 'family tradition'. The morning is extra cold, with the rain and wind keep coming. Walked outside the house, i looked up to the sky, it's moody with blue greyish colour, and far distance there's cloud floating. The sun hasn't appeared yet, or maybe it already has appeared, just that it's hiding behind the cloud. I followed my grandpa to nearby Indian stall for breakfast. Sitting inside the small truck, I can see the young oil palm trees located nearby my house. Green and fresh they looked, and from the open window, the fresh leaf aroma can be smelled as the breeze blowing towards me while my grandpa drove us to the stall.

Lousy it may seem, but the food is delicious in the Indian stall. It's an open-air stall with no walls nor door, located just in front of the oil palm tree estate. My grandpa loves to come here for breakfast, i wonder if it's because of the food or just because he is fond of this kind of 'nature-close' environment. After ordering 'nasi lemak' , tea and coffee , we sat down and wait. The rain still continues, not very heavy though and from our seat, we can enjoy the beautiful scenary of the estate. And behind the trees, high mountains are slightly visible with the thick white fog covering them, as if they were the celestial zone...

After finishing our breakfast, we went back immediately. I always enjoy looking at the rubber tree estate in front of our house. Rows of tree with green leaves and the rain today makes them look extra beautiful and it's where you can get the best oxygen supply. It makes you healtier and happier for every breath you inspire in, magical isn't it? I bet people who have never been living in the rural area will never understand the 'beauty' of this kind of place. Every morning after people living in stone jungle wake up, all they can hear is the honing of cars and breath in the 'fresh' exhaust fumes from the cars while i am listening to the songs of the early birds together with the rhyme of rain, and inspire in the best air ever. I just love this place.

Oh, it's beautiful...

Happy Birthday : 19th Birthday

Finally, the clock struck 12, and i am officially 19 years old now. I woke up pretty early the day before, and it's raining again, probably it's the birth of a dragon. There are friends who already wished me 'happy birthday' on the 6th of December. Some through sms, some through internet and i was really happy. I always thought that i don't make much impression during my college time, so most probably my friends wouldn't remember about my birthday, and that i am just like a shadow, unnoticeable. So, i thought this year birthday will be just like any other days, nothing special. To my surprise, i had gotten wishes more than i imagined. A close friend of mine during college time had even wished me happy birthday 4 days earlier. Actually he mistaken about the date, haha, but still the wish made my day brighter. Then yesterday, my ex-housemate had also wished me through msn, which made me felt so happy too, at least i know they still remember me.

So, the night had a surprise for me as well. My housemates decided to go out for a dinner with me, though there are only 3 of us. I never knew that they actually remember as well, after all, i don't remember theirs (which make me feel so bad). So, we went out to a fancy restaurant, for some western food and the food are really good. We ordered English Traditional Herbs Lamb Chop (not for me), Millan Style Fried Chicken, Fish Chips And French Fries. Enjoyed ourselves, and i was really happy, perhaps knowing that my birthday wasn't really going to turn out to be a boring and lonely day.

Now the clock struck 12, and there are people starting to sms me through phone, wishing me happy birthday. They did, remember me after almost 2 years, friends from secondary school. Thought that they will not remember, after all, i couldn't remember theirs too (uhh, i guess i am really such a lousy friend). Not only that, my housemates had already bought a small piece of cake, just one small piece, with one candle on it, knocking my door and gave it to me. I was already feeling shy and still there was 'Happy Birthday' song sang by them with a guitar, i couldn't feel more awkward than this. But deep inside, i am really happy somehow. So, we took some pictures, after all, it might be the last chance we can take photo together, since i am leaving soon. Had some good time playing with camera and taking some funny and stupid photos, well just for fun. Probably it might be the last time...

So, at about 5 am at dawn, i got a phone call as well, wished me happy birthday, which made me really happy too, even if it's just a birthday wish. Then the morning i have got to go back hometown, and again the morning is accompany with rain as well. Got my hair all wet only finally got into the bus and soon, i am here at hometown. At least the weather has gone better, and the sun has finally come out. Everyone is smilling, and i guess that's the best present from them to me.

And then, everything's just like normal, nothing special. Feel sort of missing something or someone. But overall, it's a good day. Compared to last year, it was a terrible day, rainy day and had to travel, got scolded by taxi driver, alone and etc etc. Previous last year, i was in graduation trip with friends and celebrated together. And it's always raining during my birthday, i wonder why...

It's rainy day, cold day and my birthday...

Last Few Days Of 18

Emmm…it’s my last few days before officially turn 19, so which means I will have only few days to stay 18. Strange feelings though, maybe knowing I am getting older and that will mean more responsibilities to bear with, as a man, not a boy anymore. Pieces of memories keep flashing through everyday for the last few weeks, probably knowing myself turning 19 soon, so the brain wants to do some ‘cleaning of memories’. Didn’t realized it myself before last week, when others told me it’s already end of November. Oh…time passes so fast.

Lots of things happened during my 18, I guess. Lots of memories, some sweet, some sour, some bitter, some spicy…etc etc. Well, I guess that’s life, rich in tastes. Can’t really describe the feelings now, hard to explain. Haha, at least I know I am growing up as a man soon, and should learn to be gentleman . Last few days, should try to cherish the left time enjoying being 18, time never come back after all. But most probably will be trapping inside this ‘nest’ of mine , study, play some computer games, sleep and eat. And to think carefully, that’s actually enjoyable enough, bet lots of people miss those lazy days and to have such life routine is probably a blessing for them. So, my last few days, few more pages of ‘memories’ to be added inside the ‘memories of 18’ book, should be good memories then…

And hence, another year is yet to begin soon…

(P/S: since i can't really describe my feelings now, so i put a music that sort of represent my feelings now...)

Have I Told You Lately?

(Turn this on before you read, and listen to this song while reading...)


Today I happened to listen to an old song while sitting in car listening to radio. A song that reminds me of the one I love, and somehow don’t know why, probably because of the feeling of missing, or because of the depth of love, it made me feel so much that I lose concentration in everything. Felt as I am sick without the presence, the smiles, the face… ‘Have I told you lately that I love you?...’ as the song went on, the feeling got deeper and deeper, it was like tomorrow’s the end of world, and that I will not die in peace if I couldn’t be there at that moment, and to tell just three simple words …I love you.

Ya…have I told you lately that I love you? I started to think, have I? No, I guess it’s been quite a time since I mentioned that three words. I bet most of the people have also forgotten about that three very easy words, for those who are married, or in a serious long-term relationship, or family members…Hmm, it’s not something strange that people will tend to forget these words, after all, as this fast-changing world moving everyday, life becomes busy and it’s understandable that with the hectic lifestyle, people can forget these words easily. Besides, to have the one with you everyday, or maybe knowing his/her love is always there, around you, thus making you feel that ‘the love’ has become something ‘normal’, and hence you can’t really notice them, or at least appreciate them. Well, if only you know that how hard is it to find the one that can love you so much and you love so much, or if only you know the feeling of regret after you lost them, then probably every morning you will start saying these three words to them, to tell them how lucky you are, how happy you are, or how much you love him/her…

Of course, these three words might look simple and easy, how many alphabets? Eight only…but the significant part about this is that, it has to come from your heart, as if you were sending your heart to him/her and let him/her feel your heart pounding that survives on his/her love. It’s not something like you can say to everyone, or something that you say just to please your partner, it can’t be fake and has to be sincere. So, I always believe that ‘I love you’ is not to be conveyed simply in writing or speech, but to be showed in actions and to give fully your heart for him/her to feel how much you love him/her and then that’s how both of your hearts get linked together and feel the true love. I guess this explain why love always being represented in ‘red heart shape, with an arrow’, because love is all about your heart feeling and the connection. It follows your heart, not your brain to tell you what to do.

For me, ‘I love you’ can be romantic enough. I never judge whether a place or atmosphere is romantic or not by how luxurious, or how many roses, or how many candles there. People tend to see ‘romantic’ with their eyes, but me on the other hand, prefer to feel with my heart, as I believe it’s what ‘romantic’ means. It can be anywhere, anything, anytime; when you are sick, a hot soup delivered to you by him/her , or when you are mad and out of mood, a simple smiles and comforting hands of him/her touching and hugging you, or maybe even a dinner prepared by him/her for you…Those are all romantic enough, probably most people won’t understand why, I guess when you use your heart to ‘see’ them, then you will know and ‘feel’ them too, including the love…

So, why not start to think about ‘giving’ your heart that ‘contains’ the sincere and strong feeling of ‘I love you’ to your beloved ones at this moment right away? Let him/her feel that you do, love him/her very much…