Writing In The Train

Again, I traveled in train back to Malaysia. It’s been so long ever since I slept on the bed in the train. Feel sort of small now, compared to last time when I felt exactly the right size, which means…I have become bigger in size? I should be happy then, haha. Carried pretty much loads with me, and walked to the train station is actually a hard work, so when I arrived, I was showered with sweat. Not very tired, but extremely hot.

Got into the train, climbed to the upper berth, it’s funny to just think how I cramped into that small space, luckily I am small enough, lol. The train departed not very long after I got in. And then the siren sounded ‘do do do…kachang ,kachang ,kachang…’, it continued to move forward. Trapped in this small space, I constantly looked at the window, as if fisherman waiting for the fish to bite the bait. As it passed, I kept on looking outside and finally the train passed through the building. Looking at the apartment that I had been staying in for days really got me into something. It’s really a strange feeling, when you see yourself went pass through the house/place that you have been living for quite a time, especially when the place contains so much memories and that you couldn’t even touch it, or stop for a while to have another gaze into it. And to know that how close you two were when it passed, but couldn’t even stop by to look into the eyes. Really odd feeling…as it passed through so fast, and that’s it, you missed it.

Arrived in the immigration check point, and to hear the familiar songs from the radio that is always played there, while waiting in line to pass through, somehow I smiled. And when the song ‘Love Is All Around’ was played in the radio, I can’t help moving my shoulder and felt like wanna to dance too, if only I have my partner here. Smiling alone while moving your head and shoulder can really make other to misunderstand that you are a nut, I guess, haha.

Back to the bed in train, where I am writing now, listening to songs while trying to note down all the tiny tiny feelings, thoughts and words as much as I can, before I could forget them when I wake up tomorrow morning…

Last Day of Holidays

So, today is the last day of my holidays, woke up pretty early, at about 5sth am, by one of the worst nightmares i had.Were trying to get back to sleep after that, but all the efforts were in vain, let's just hope it will not come true...At about 7 am, after all the washing and cleaning, went out with family and grandpa for breakfast outside, at an Indian stall just right in front of the large beautiful oil palm tree estate nearby. It's a beautiful morning, with some fog covering the view, and rays of light penetrating through the light blue sky, while the birds were chipping and singing songs so cheerfully. A great day, i supposed...except of the nightmare part.

Back from breakfast, saw my dog, evil thought came in,hehe. I took the tissue paper which i used to clean my lips after breakfast, and i tied it up on my dog's tail and enjoyed seeing my dog turn round and round, trying to get the tissue paper off. Finally,she was able to take it off, and tore it to pieces(the dog's inner thought :I gotcha, haha, time to revenge, i want to tear you to pieces for disturbing my tail,arg...). Wahaha, it was so fun, and i am so evil...LOL. Emm, i guess i have to start packing, though not much, just the bag and the laptop. And to think clearly, i have done nothing during this holidays, i didn't even touch the notes or the books. Was playing games, sleeping, eating...and wasting time. Not very productive, didn't even try to practice my driving skills (it's not bad, but practice makes the master). But to think back, it's holidays after all, if one were supposed to be working during holidays, then it shouldn't be called holidays,no? Well, anyway i think i have wasted lots of time, after all, i am still lagging behind in my studies. And, i still have some research to be done before Tuesday, but well i think i can finish it in one hour time.Internet is really such a useful tool...haha.

The messed up feeling needed to be fixed before the university starts or else i will definitely not be able to concentrate on studies (again). Really need to start to get ready and mentally prepared, leave all the messed up feelings behind and start the journey again. Really wish i have an Angel with me, that can always be my listener with patient and guidance; that will always stand by me with love and cares; that may fuse with me as one with no secret and barrier between...Oh, it's just another dream, perhaps...Some sort of ''imaginary friend'' like little kid used to have, and i want an ''imaginary Angel'', getting childish?Or just being ignorant? Ha, just a dream?

Ok, enough of that. Back to reality now, there's nothing to feel bad about, look at the birds, singing so happily even though they have nothing but a small nest. And i have everything now, family, lover, friends...just need to learn how to appreciate and preserve it, and make it lasts, agree?

* smiles : )

Mr Diana / Feminine Masculinity (先生貴性)

I have so much free time now, since it's holidays, so i spend quite a time watching TV. And so by chance, one of the TV channel is broadcasting a Hong Kong drama series - Mr Diana/Feminine Masculinity (先生貴性), which i had watched it long time ago. It's a famous drama series, first broadcasted in 1999. So, after looking at the title (for those who has never watched it), you might think it's another '' for entertainment purpose'' type of drama, which probably about some cross-dresser, and then some comedy and that's it. However, i can guarantee that you will be wrong this time, and that can explain why i will spend time watching the series again.


Let's guess how the story line goes...Some cross-dresser? Some stupid themes? Haha, like i said, you will be wrong. The story line goes like this....It's about a barbaric village man- Ah-Quen, who is actually the leader of a village(not those in jungle, but sort of modern one, like a neighbourhood), and under the influence of the strings of fate, he met with a well-educated, high class businesswoman-Christine, who worked as a leading manager in a fashion company called ''Pessatto'' due to some coincidences. Christine is an arrogant, stuborn, bossy, dominating hot-tempered married woman who is hated by almost everyone wheareas Ah-Quan is just like a barbarian, who speak louder than anyone, hot-tempered, stuborn and always think he is the right one,always. So, you might think this is another movie of love between a barbarian and a modern woman? Lol, wrong again. So, both of them get to know each other and during a game (paint ball), Christine was shot with real gun right in front of Ah-Quan, the bullet penetrated through Christine and hit Ah-Quan as well. Hence, both were injured and sent to hospital immediately, but unfortunely Christine couldn't make it, and died and nobody knows who is the killer, because it's a paint ball game, and investigation was immediately carried out. Hence,one day, in a ball among the high-class society of the fashion world, a women who is 5 feet 9 inches appeared at the ball and succeeded in catching everyone's eyes when she sang in front of everyone, and everyone was eager to know her, Miss Diana. While the Pessatto boss - Joe, just suffered a great lost the death of Christine, as Christine was a such a talented women, and at this ball, finally someone who is as talented as Christine, had appeared right in front of him, Miss Diana finally succeeded in taking over Christine's position in Pessatto.


So, who is this mystery Miss Diana? Ha...actually this Miss Diana is the dead Christine, possessing Ah-Quan's body without his knowledge, dress as an woman, and trying to look for the murderer herself. Her soul couldn't rest in peace as long as the case isn't solved. But, after knowing himself is being possessed by a woman ghost Christine, Ah Quan was terrified, but will a macho, manly barbarian is willing to become a ghost? Of course no, but he has no choice, as Christine can only possess his body, as when she was shot, part of her soul went into Ah-Quan's body. Ah-Quan who has no help fighting a ghost, was desperate(because no one can see the ghost Christine except himself), finally met his saviour when his uncle(policeman who is doing Christine's murder case) is able to see her, as he has a special eyes. His uncle sworn to exocism her if she continues to bother Ah-Quan, after all the mess Christine had done to him (as Miss Diana) . Ah-Quan lost his job, lost his position as the leader of the village, and his wife ran away, what else can be worse? Christine, on the other hand, couldn't possess his body, couldn't really do anything, except loafing around all the suspects. When both of them were desperate, and started to lose hope, under some circumstances, finally they both agreed in working together. Ah-Quan wil let Christine possess his body as Miss Diana, and worked in Pessatto to continue to look for the murderer, while Christine will help Ah-Quan in getting a job in Pessatto using Miss Diana's high rank and power....

So, that's the story line? Of course no, there are more. Christine, who disguised as Miss Diana using Ah-Quan's body while working in Pessatto, collecting evidence for her murder isn't really the only main theme here. Through Miss Diana, she finally realized what's her impression in others' eyes, an arrogant, stuborn, bossy, dominating and etc...And if it's you, how you will feel about all the negative feedback? Nobody in the company actually care or miss her after her death, not even her own husband. Not only this, when she discovered her husband were actually cheating on her with her secretary, and her only sister who usually appeared to be a good-girl at home, is actually a rebelious, pub-going girl, and worst of all, a good liar. After realizing her failure in her love life, her family, even her social life...she learned to feel remorse, to feel regret, and wish to be revived and given another chance to change everything, but a dead person doesn't has the chance...So, she finally decided to make things right this time, using Miss Diana, to get into her family, and to be a new person, to correct the things, at least she can feel some peace before going on her way.

On the other hand, Ah-Quan, who used to be a barbarian, who doesn't know how to reason, also experienced the ''reformation'' . Losing his wife, and his status as leader of his village, together with advice from Christine that come time by time, he learnt to change as well. He learnt to control his temper, to be reasonable, and to be loving...

Hence, together they worked, while trying to solve the case, they also learnt valuable lessons, learnt to accept own mistake, learnt to feel sorry and to have the courage to change and at last...

My personal view on this drama is that, it's one of the best drama. Not because of the comedy, not because of the actors, but because of the themes, and how the writer conveys his opinion on the theme '' Willing to change'', through this dead Christine, and this barbaric Ah-Quan, with some element of suspense, and theme on love and lots more. It basically makes the watcher to think relect as well, to think and to learn to have the courage to change, and more importantly, to cherish the time when you are alive. The drama starts with lots jokes that makes you laugh , mixed with lots of touching scenes, and ends with lots of lessons. Everyone should watch it, i strongly recommend, as you will not only be entertained, but be educated as well.Love it very much.

Below i have the links for you whoever wanna to see trailer, or to download the drama, not so sure if they have english subtitles, haven't downloaded, but strongly recommend to watch the trailer, it's a MV actually.Enjoy.

1) http://www.leechvideo.com/video/view2583574.html
2) http://bbs.zorland.com/viewthread.php?tid=87021&extra=page%3D1&page=3

The Breathing

So, it's my holidays this week, and i have got nothing to do,but to stay at home and just eat, sleep and play games. Contribute nothing and not even help with my family business, i guess i have been really useless. I have always have problem with this...being useless. I wish i can be usefull, at least i won't have to feel ashamed of myself. So, whenever there's something i can help out at home, i will do it, especially when my mom needs help in chores.

Often, i wish i could be useful, could mean something important to someone, to be significant, to be someone's air and question is, am i? Of course, to my family, i have no grudges, nothing. They love me so much, i don't have to wake up early to help out with family business, nor work with my dad in the business. I am indeed, someone precious to them, because i am part of the family. And to have such loving family, i guess i am pretty lucky.

Now, you are a treasure to your family, that's of course. But to be someone's air, someone's breath that has no genetic relations with you, that is not easy at all. Love has to come first, but just the words aren't enough. I once heard that '' faith is not measured by words, but deeds'' and i agreed totally, so do love. And you yourself are the only one who knows the answer. Yes, maybe you are someone's treasured pearl, but the question is, do you cherish him/her? Do you feel grateful? Will you make him/her your universe? Aha..probably there are still long way to go, no worries, we have plenty of time. But, believe me, cherish the present, every single moment, because you don't know when you will lose it unless you(and your partner) have full confidence (then i will have to congratulate you, because other than death, nothing can separate both of you, but honestly, rarely) and you will know the word ''regret'' once you lose it. So, make every single moment memorable, after all, you have nothing to lose when you try and do your best to make sure it lasts, as long as the breathing continues...

So, back to me now....I am sort of spaced out today, pretty low in spirit and kinda down. My feelings, my mood, my emotions...I wish i can unleash all out, to just stretch out, to shout out, to flush them out, to scream my heart out, and then return to myself, and continue the breathing...

Celebration Of The Birth Of Nine God Kings.

Yesterday I went to the once-a-year celebration festival of the birth of Nine God Kings, in a town near my home with my whole family. It's a traditional celebration all over Malaysia among the Chinese society in only certain temples, (the Tao one), where it's said that the 1st of 9th month til 9th of 9th month in lunar calendar, is the birthday of the Nine God Kings in heaven. And it's always comes with the rain, and goes with the rain too. Thus, during this period of celebration, it will always be raining day ( Raining is actually considered to be God's duty - the Dragon King, and raining actually means prosperity, as a gift to humans(the farmers) in the past.). It's celebrated every year in Malaysia, with lots of performances, and during this period, you can usually see lots of Chinese people wearing a yellow string on their wrist as a method to show participation in the celebration.

This celebration lasts for 9 days, and there will be lots of worshipping ceremony everyday. Food are served only in vegetables or anything non-related to killing as a respect. Other than that, the temple management council will also invite perfomance team (local singers) to provide entertainment every night, and also as a way to attract people come over to join the joy. Hence, basically, everyday during the period, one can expect to see smoke of incense all over the temple,day and night. One of the most interesting parts of this festival is the possesion of the Gods' spirit in selected people. It's said that during this time, the Gods will take control of selected followers and possess them. And when they are being possessed, the Gods will completely take control of their bodies, and act according to His behaviour. One of Gods in the heaven, is Na Zha (a little child which is very naughy,for more details, look in http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nezha_deity ). And of course, there will be lots of piercings of needles, of steel rods on the possessed body to show the superiority of Gods.




At day 7th, usually there will be parade on the streets. Where you can see the Gods (possessed people) showing walking and visiting the town with piercings and different sets of clothes (according to their appearances), together with the members of the temple management council, where they will be drums and all sorts of celebration activity as in a parade on the street. And this parade will not be canceled, even if it's raining, and followers will also be walking together with the whole bunch of people, and just join for the celebration. Moreover, the Gods might even walk through the hot charcoal on the floor, or step on the sharp objects, using His ''human body''.

On the last day, the Gods will be sent back to heaven at night, through the river, as they come by the river as well. They will be sent in paper boat made with paper and be burned (as it's believed it's a way to send things or connect with the other world) on the river. Of course, welcoming and parting ceremonies are in huge scale the same way. There will be lots of followers joining the ceremony, where at first, there will be praying done in the temple, and then together everyone will be walking to the nearby river (where they are being fetched). It's really an interesting event where you can see huge number of people celebrating the event and sharing the joys.And definitely, I guess it's good to know that lots of people are still believing and having faith in their religion.

The Night

It’s been so long eversince I looked into the sky at night and today, I happened to be able to force myself to go out at night due to my hungry stomach. I have been hiding in my nest for the whole day, reading and playing games until now. Usually I will have eaten my dinner in the evening, like 7-8 pm but today, seems like I am too lazy to even walk out from my room and thus I haven’t had my dinner yet (it’s 10.15pm). If possible, I will have chosen not to go out, but too bad, my stomach started to grumble, and hence, I have no choice but to obey my biological senses – to eat.


So, I decided to eat at the ‘mamak stall’(road-side, simple food stalls owned by Indians) located outside my apartment, since it’s the only food stall around here. I ordered a Maggi Goreng, which is basically fried instant noodles, and well, I waited like 20 minutes there which at first, I decided to take away, but due to this long waiting time, finally I chose to just eat there. Doing nothing but sitting there and waiting, I looked into the dark sky. It’s a cloudless night, without any stars in sight. Clear and has a beautiful dark colour with some cold wind. Sitting under the tree, with the street light nearby, surprisingly, I sort of enjoyed the time there, though I was just sitting there. I think maybe this scenary, this activity of eating outside at ‘mamak stall’, sort of represents part of the normal life routine of a typical Malaysian youngster. Or maybe it’s just because that I haven’t been out of my room for the whole day, and therefore I feel much better when I am able to get some fresh air, especially when the night is windy.


After a while, my food was ready there, and I ate instantly (hungry) and in no time, I finished my food. Paid the money , I walked home straight. The cold breeze blowing right towards me made me felt so good, and seemed like succeed in refreshing my mind and my tired body. I bet everyone will have felt the same too, when you are able to walk silently under the street light, without much distraction, under the waving tree branches, with cold breeze blowing right towards your face. Of course, it will be much better if your lover is together with you, walking hand in hand. But I guess it’s fine for me, and in fact, this walking actually helped me to reduce my sadness and feeling of missing towards my beloved one. Maybe the breeze did help. To think again, actually there’s nothing to feel sad about, we still can be together, and to have someone to love you, and knowing that though far away, there’s still someone who cares for you, and to have so much love with you, what else you can ask for? It’s simple life, but happy enough for me, after all, I am just a simple person, with a simple smile and a simple life…