My Last Day Of 19 Years Old

My last day, living as a 19 years old boy, there comes lots of thoughts and memories. And I finally realize how long is actually 20 years. I guess this is how it feels, to have the memories and experiences for 20 years. It is in fact, a long period of time and can make all the differences in one’s life, though time is a impudent one, that it passes so fast without coming back, second by second….

Learnt a lot about the facts and truths of life, the world and of course myself, that the world is governed by the principal of equivalent trade, that people will have to sacrifice something in order to gain something, at least until now I still believe in it. We will definitely gain something, when we have put effort on something, whether it will be a good or a bad consequence is another issue, depending on how we define good and bad. In any case, we gain something that others didn’t in the end.

Tomorrow will be the day I walk into my twenties. Growing up, it means more freedom, respect, power; at the same time, more responsibility, expectation, problems…and I understand now that why certain people want to go back to their childhood. I guess if you can’t run away from it, then you should just prepare and face it with everything you have learnt. Time never stops, this is the reality… it is life, after all.

And so, I bid farewell to the last day of my 19 years old…

Hometown & Holidays

I have been in hometown for more than a week, sounds very short but seems to have happened lots of things. Perhaps it's true that when one is busy occupying with something, time passes by fast. Watching drama, playing computer games and etc, life seems to be simple and easy...

Hometown, a special place that when it rains, it's a rain of memories; when it shines, it's the light of hopes. The sky will always remind you of your origin, and the trees will always remind you of your root. It's a beautiful place where all the beautiful precious memories and experiences flow back to you, but it's also a place with some hidden darkness. The source of all the ideas, ambitions, thoughts, beliefs and values in the mind, brought back into the minds, with each breeze passes by, as if trying to keep reminding you of all the importance things and goals in life. And so, the inner fire is still burning silently...

The holidays are still very long, so do the goals. It's said that holidays are the rest stations in life, for us to rest and walk even further, just like a seed lying dormant underground, waiting for the right moment to sprout and become a fruitful tree...

Perhaps

It's the end of year already, almost everyone has gone back to their home, and parting is one of the inevitable events. However, it seems like there are more separations than ever this year, and it leaves marks on the heart, just like a burn mark on the shirt.

I have been staying in the hut for 2 years, a hut that has been sheilding me from the dark cold snow and rain outside. There are lots of good and bad times, sweet beautiful times. Spent time and effort trying to make it my permanent home, a home for my heart. Problem is, can i risk my heart there, of being crushed and broken one day? Or should i just walk away, leaving the hut for suitable others to occupy, and wandering in the outside world again...?

I couldn't be sure myself, there's always storm outside, and i will definitely feeling cold from time to time. Maybe time is what i need and perhaps, i will never be able to leave that hut...

I guess this is how i feel...

''It started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope,
Which then turned into a quite thought, which then turned into a quite word.
And then that word grew louder and louder, ‘til it was a battle cry,
I ll come back… when you call me,
No need to say goodbye.
Just because everything’s changing, doesn’t meant it’s never been this way before.
All you can do is try to know who your friends are, as you head off to the war.
Pick a star on the dark horizon, and follow the light,
You ll come back, when it’s over, no need to say goodbye,
You ll come back, when it’s over, no need to say goodbye.

Now we are back to the beginning, it’s just a feeling and no one knows yet.
But just because they cant feel it too, doesn’t mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger ‘til they’re before your eyes.
You ll come back, when they call you, no need to say goodbye
You ll come back, when they call you,
No need to say goodbye…''

The Call, by Regina Spektor in The Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian.


*Song with just lyrics


*Ending part of Narnia (MV of The Call)

WALL.E

Alone, for 700 years...doing the same old routine everyday in a lonely planet left by others, somehow he survives. Living contentedly, picking up all the garbage and the unwanted items among clusters of rubbish, making his own sweet home, and of course his only friend, a small cockroach. How this small waste loader robot can do all these?

WALL.E (Waste Allocation Load Lifter - Earth Class), how this small robot will touch your heart when he took care of his loved one, followed her back, and all the small little things, just for her in the name of love. How sweet and beautiful, so innocent and ignorant with only strong faith in himself, just hoping to hold her hand...

A movie based on love as the main theme. The love for other, love for mother nature, love between humans, and etc etc. Perhaps, we don't really need a soul to learn how to love, as long as there are ''sparks of magic'', love will grow, just like green plants...

I should say, the best hero created so far by Pixar.

''It's worth dying for someone like WALL.E, even if he is just a small dirty robot, because he has the most beautiful heart of all - a heart full of love...''

Into Album

Tomorrow is the day, the day my first year of MBBS programme ends. And so, these few days have been busy preparing my OSCE. Things seem to be fine, but will we ever know what will happen tomorrow?

Life can be so random sometimes, and so do human's emotion. And we ll never be able to predict how people will react to each other, including love. And so, in order to make things easier, something called 'faith' comes into play. But do you have faith?

I guess it's really time to go, when everything has no meaning, being there will just be annoying to the other. Usually people will leave with compliments taken together, while i guess i ll leave with all the negative feelings and unsatisfactions from the other. My mind has started to get blank, out of idea what to do. I doubted it works in one-way direction...

And so, i will be kept inside an album, and will just be a piece of memory waiting to be deleted one day. But i suppose it's ok, as long as happiness is guaranteed and the journey continues without me...

Missing And Losing

Whenever thoughts or feelings spur inside my mind, I always enjoy writing them out, as such feelings and thoughts are rarely the interest of others to spend time to be the listeners. The mood recently is on the down side, and the affect today is rather sad. The sun is bright outside, as if trying to cheer me up, though I doubted it worked. When it comes, it comes silently; and when it goes, it goes mutely…

Sitting in Starbucks coffee shop yesterday night after dinner, looking at how they have started to put up all the decorations for Christmas, my heart sinks and strings of nostalgic feelings consumed me. How fast, it’s almost the end of the year already. As all the Christmas items were being put up, just like the opening of curtain, season of love seem to have entered the stage…

Tomorrow is the final written exam, and i am more than stressful. I am still struggling to finish my revision, and comfort the wounded heart. Regretted never study well, and to lose it. When time passed by, it never comes back; and when bird flies away, it never flies back…

Perhaps it’s time to learn how to let go when the other has moved on…

And now the sky has started to rain...

A Simple Thought

Of a sudden, the long lost strange feeling of emptiness creep silently into my mind again. Water showering on my listless face, trying to get some warm with my eyes closing. Turn off the water, I wish to have a good sleep, knowing that another day has passed. Family, love, friendships, honesty, kindness, purity, ignorance and life…

We are always searching for meaning, somewhere and somehow, trying to make sense out of everything in life. Feeling helpless when nobody can understand you, or when you are not belonged. We have always wanted more than what we have, and never stop for a while to reflect on all the tiny little wonders we have in our lives now, and as in such we are always grabbing, fighting to get more, in an endless abyss.

Love can be very simple if one is understanding enough, caring enough, tolerate enough, and of course, loving enough. It exists in all sort of forms, between parents and children, siblings, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives, friends, and all the surrounding things. We don’t need romantic melodies, nor elegance roses to praise it, it’s just there once the hearts are connected.

The light is off, I pull up the blanket and crawl into my sweet nest. With my body curls up, my breath fell on my palms and I know I am indeed lucky. Things in life can be really complicated and totally mess up your mood, but I do my best to ‘cartoonize’ everything little problem, at least innocence, ignorance and laughter can be found in cartoon world. I am glad not because of how much love I have gotten, but because I know how to cherish and be able to give out love. And so, I smile before being carried into the world of dreams…

''Anger and sadness are not the last feelings I wanna to experience…but love.''